this is probably the prettiest name i ever gave to a fic tbh. i love it a silly amount. but on a more serious note: what is this made of? what is this about? what the hell is this anyway?

CtM came a bit out of nowhere, and that's the best way to describe it i have currently (because my memory is total ass)

its chase-centric, which is a little obvious from the title. its main focus is the author projecting chase's experience with the world from the prism of a neurodivergent tmasc werewolf. quite a fun mix

its secondary focus is relationship study, mainly through the same prism and how it changes chase's experiences with the people around him, especially thirteen since they are besties and you cannot change my mind. they're the gossip girlies. they're the guys. they're the found dipshit sibling dynamic i adore. excited woof woof.mp3

now to the breakdown!

1. half is part of all (and answer to recall) (1-8)

For a moment, he imagines falling asleep quickly—having a sweet dream of running in a field, drinking from a stream, chasing wild birds. With how bad the evening went, he'll probably stay awake for the first half of the night, and have nightmares for the second.

Of course, when God was shaping Robert Chase in his mother's womb, everything had to go wrong.

chase & thirteen brotp dynamic centric because i love them and seeing them interact. i might add some more chapters just to make it flow a little better. they hang out, they get drunk, they spill secrets, they share experiences

2. luck left late saturday (9-10)

The elevator moves upwards, and Thirteen asks, “You think they gonna notice?”

Chase looks down. His left leg is in a bright pink cast. He looks at Thirteen—her right arm is in a cast, too, but hers is white and already signed by the two of them. “I doubt it,” Rob says, shrugging over crutches. “I mean, it's not like we broke an arm and a leg.”

“You sprained yours,” Thirteen waves him off with her left hand. “Don't be so dramatic.”

i mentioned them getting drunk--this is specifically to focus on that part. its chase & thirteen's multiple nights out on the bar/club crawl. cue two dumb bisexual messes having the most philosophical discussion they've had in the past three years at 3am at the counter of a gay bar

3. night channels end (11-16)

Mrs. Palmeiro doesn't reply, eyes fixed on him like a hawk.

Maybe he should switch her to a banana bag, if the EMTs didn't do that already. Her eyes don't seem glassy to Robert, quite the contrary—she watches him back with great attention. He can't smell any alcohol on her—just the leftover from the shot of vodka that brought her here. Nothing like his mother, and yet—yet still her smell makes him nauseous. Weak odor of ethanol secreted through skin mixed with something that smells like wet, rotting wood.

Not a hawk, he thinks as he's noting the medicine changes in her chart. A hare, perhaps. Or a cat, sitting on the fence, watching a dog walk by and give it a look without barking. Does she know? He freezes for a moment, their gazes meeting. I bet she knows, he thinks. I hope she knows.

I hope it scares her.

episode rewrites...... because i love writing those, and i really wanted to look into how cameron and chase would interact considering the aforementioned conditions. sadly not particularly canon divergent

4. this side of the styx (all trace of who i was) (17)

One night when they're home and lazing about, seven months before Dibala, Allie asks him out of the blue, “What does eucalyptus smell like?”

The question gives Rob a pause, especially given he keeps eucalyptus oil at home, but right now is clearly not the best time to get up and fetch it. “Uh… it smells good,” is what he settles on saying, “Y'know, a bit sharp, like cold air… but it smells like home.” He feels Allie humm to show she's listening more so than he hears her. “Or like lemon, but instead of that citrus-y sourness, there's this gentle honey sweetness.”

in all the plans, i consider this to be the crown jewel of the series. planned to be a longread oneshot. its a big dramatic angsty end, a bloody red ribbon tied up top. features chase's childhood and his return to his mother's home post divorce and post... well, some other unfortunate events :)

thanks for tuning into the broadcast. 7-3 :)